One Good Fee Deserves Another!
Friday, October 9th, 2009By Author Richard Marmo
Otherwise known as another tax. Take my phone bill, for example…and I wish someone would. Just figuring out exactly what you’re paying for can leave you with a hernia of the mind! And don’t bother trying to get one of their agents to explain it. They’ll make everything perfectly clear. As mud. To wit:
The amount listed for Plans & Services is $69.76, with $34.05 of that being subject to sales tax. But when you look at the breakdown…which takes almost ½ of a page to list…you have to wonder exactly who you’re paying.
One of the things causing this exercise in advanced math is the fact that I changed phone plans to one that was supposed to give me all the services I have now…at a cheaper price. Yeah, sure! You’ve heard that story before, haven’t you?
Anyway, the new plan is priced at $50 a month. Due to the date that I changed, I got a credit of $15.32 off the monthly charge of the old plan and a $3.06 credit that I was actually billed for…or not billed since it was a credit.
Instead of dropping the new monthly charge to $46.94, nothing changed. Until you turned the page.
At this point, the new All Distance service is listed at $39.82 BUT I was only billed $6.14 MINUS the $3.06 credit that’s been previously mentioned, leaving $3.08 to be added to the original $50.00.
Despite taking a convoluted path to get there, we have a reasonably understandable total of $53.08. But now the fun begins because the next section lists Surcharges and Other Fees.
First up is the Federal Subscriber Line Charge of $5.30. Huh! Silly me! I thought I was paying AT&T to use their line and that it was part of the base monthly charge. Next is the 911 Service Fee of $.20 cents, followed by a 911 Equalization Surcharge of $.07. Talk about waste! It would’ve saved paper and ink by charging 27 cents at one time.
A totally mysterious TX Utility Gross Receipts Assessment (Long Dist) charge of $.02 (That’s right. Two cents!) is next, along with a Federal Universal Service Fee of $2.20. If by now you’re beginning to think the sharks are smelling blood in the water…yours…you’re probably not wrong. And we ain’t anywhere near done!
Another $1.99 is absorbed by a Carrier Cost Recovery Fee (Long Dist), $1.23 for Texas Universal Service and $1.28 for a Municipal Charge. All in all, I’ve coughed up $12.29 in Surcharges and Other Fees to be added to $53.08 for a running total of $65.37. And that total ain’t done running because we still have to add…drum roll, please…taxes.
Federal Taxes (Local Charges) is $.00 and Federal Taxes (Non-Regulated & Toll Charges) is also $.00. That’s right, Texas Ring readers, NOTHING. What I’d like to know is, if there aren’t any, why list them! But not to worry, there are more taxes to take up the slack.
State and Local Taxes (Local Charges) comes in at $2.57, followed closely by State and Local Taxes (Non-Regulated & Toll Charges) of $1.82, finally bringing our grand total up to $69.76 and agreeing with the $69.76 at the top of the page.
After wading thru this mess with the representative, I was assured my next bill wouldn’t be this high. Not at all. I will be billed the flat rate of $50.00 PLUS appropriate fees and taxes that will be approximately $12.00 or $13.00, making my total bill a much lower $63.00 or so. Which will wind up about a dollar or so less than I was paying before I switched plans.
Was all this worth saving a buck or so? You tell me.
This proliferation of fees, surcharges and other assorted ways to tap your wallet without calling it a tax isn’t limited to phone and other utility bills. Cities, states and nations are becoming very creative in squeezing all they can out of you.
Take the price of a marriage license. Here in Texas, the cost of a license is now $72…unless you go thru a State-authorized pre-marital counseling program. Do that and the price drops to $12 in Tarrant County. It varies somewhat from county to county, but the State fee of $60 is tacked onto that.
Sounds reasonable, you say? An argument can be made for that…as long as the prospective couple is of child-bearing age because the primary thrust of the counseling deals with the children the couple will have. Where the kicker lies is with those who are beyond child-bearing age or know for certain that they will not be having children. There’s no exception for them. They STILL pay the $72 fee and most will simply go ahead and pony up the cash rather than go thru counseling that is not applicable to them. The final insult is that, upon completion of the counseling sessions, a Certificate of Completion must be signed by the counselor, but the State doesn’t provide the Certificate. Nope. The happy couple has to buy a blank Certificate from Office Depot or similar office supply and return it to the counselor for his signature.
Making things even worse is the fact that preachers (or ministers or priests, depending on the denomination involved) can no longer do pre-marital counseling in their church and have the process qualify for removal of the State fee. They can still do the counseling, but the couple still coughs up the $60…unless the man of God is willing to submit to State regulations AND travel to the State-authorized facility to perform the counseling.
Every time you turn around, another fee or license is being raised. Dog tags, rabies tags, building permits and on an on. One of the more creative ideas is mandatory spay/neuter laws that come with a permit attached for those who don’t want their animals spayed or neutered for various reasons. In that case you can be hit for anywhere from a $50 one time registration fee to a couple of hundred dollars per year per animal. The amount depends on the city in question and how greedy they are.
Banks are another source of fees gone wild. Overdraft fees are now as high as $35 and climbing. Worse, they automatically enroll customers in overdraft protection. Even though it’s a free service, it’s anything but free because they know that most of us live paycheck to paycheck. Just as sure as God made little green apples, you will have an occasional overdraft for one reason or another, including bank error.
Other services banks offer which are either free or fee based are notary service and check cashing. Huh, you say? Sad but true. Notary services are free if you have an account with them, but carry a fee if you don’t. As for check cashing, if you don’t have a checking account with that particular bank, expect to cough up as much as $5. Some of the street corner check cashing joints are cheaper than that.
By the way, if you pay your utility bill at Ace Cash Express or similar operation, expect a fee of $1 to $1.50 added to each bill that you pay. And paying online isn’t entirely safe either. AT&T (them again) allows you to pay your bill fee free if you use their automated telephone payment system or do so online. However, talk to a live body to pay your bill? Say goodbye to another $5.
Even accidents aren’t safe from the grasping talons of taxes masquerading as fees. Cities and states across the fruited plain are beginning to institute emergency responder fees for fire, police and ambulance service. Depending on location, you can be hit for anything from $200 to $1,000 for emergency services. Vallejo, California charges $200 for bogus 911 calls. And by ‘bogus’ they don’t mean fake. Simply calling 911 out of panic and then changing your mind as you start to calm down is enough to do it. Some cities are going so far as to respond for free if you’re a resident of that city, but if you live outside the city and have the misfortune for your accident to occur within their city, you will be receiving a bill.
Finally, take a look at the escalating prices of everything at sports stadiums. That’s an entire article in itself, but the most recently outrageous I’ve heard of can be found at the new Dallas Cowboys stadium in Arlington, Texas. They created a grassy area where fans could park and set up their tailgate parties. You might think that was considerate of the Cowboys, but second thoughts surface when you learn the price of parking in that area is $75.00 per game. And no, that’s not a misprint.
Call’em fees or surcharges, it still boils down to one word: Taxes.
Richard
Linda Brady Traynham says:
October 10th, 2009
5:38 am
Ain’t it fun? Doesn’t seem to be any limit to the things they can think of to tax. The sixty dollar fee for counseling is really ridiculous. Perhaps the idea is to get us to live in sin?