Who Should Replace McChrystal?
Wednesday, June 30th, 2010Author Linda Brady Traynham
After due consideration, about two seconds’ worth, I have concluded that I am the best candidate to replace General McChrystal, and before you start patting my hand, making soothing noises, and wondering what the treatment for senile dementia is, consider my qualifications via the following imaginary interview.
“Mrs. Traynham, do you now, or have you ever, read Rolling Stones? Either way, would you have consented to an interview with a stoned reporter?”
Answer: what are you people smoking? The answers are “no,” “no,” and “no.” When I am in charge of the war effort in Afghanistan, in the first place there will be a war effort, and all reporters will be drop-kicked out of the O-Club and escorted briskly off my post and out of the country, given the option of negotiating with a recalcitrant tribal chieftain. There are certainly civilians I will appoint to my command staff, but reporters in time of war (unless one is Douglas MacArthur) are as useless as ________. Fill in the blank with some suitably rough-hewn, vulgar, manly expression if that is your style, or some remark similar to those that got Billy Mac in trouble with President I Can’t Dish It Out Well and I Can’t Take It At All.
“Mrs. Traynham, what are your military qualifications? Are you a graduate of West Point, for example?”
Answer: Take advantage of your time here, because when I get to Afghanistan you aren’t going to get the time of day out of me. You know quite well that I majored in Philosophy and have done graduate work in five fields, and read voraciously all my life, which makes me far better qualified to be President of the United States than the current uncivil servant in that position, but I’ve a mind to be Patton, Chesty Puller, Rommel, and Moshe Dyan right now because this farce irritates me. I have spent my life around military men, observing what they do, listening to their tales, and learning leadership, strategy, tactics, boldness and when it is appropriate, and the correct answer when an Italian reporter asked my husband, “Captain Traynham, what do you think of President Carter?” John answered smartly (two meanings), “I think he is my boss,” and strode past the dumbfounded Italian. I have read everything W. E. B. Griffith ever wrote, and Mr. G will be asked to serve as advisory staff, along with William Forstschein, Harry Turtletraub, Bernard Cornwell, and Newt Gingrich. And Billy McCrystal, of course. General Petraeus may be invited to attend selected meetings to coordinate joint efforts so long as he speaks only when spoken to.
“NEWT GINGRICH?! Are you out of your mind?”
No, not at all. Mr. Gingrich is an excellent constitutional authority and historian who should be given a crew cut and never allowed to utter a word in public. Anyone who can figure out how Lee could have won the war even after losing Stonewall Jackson can surely come up with a faster solution to victory than “Bomb them back to the Stone Age,” not that I am rulling that one out. I learn quickly from the mistakes of the past, including not attending to leg wounds quickly and not BingTBTTSA when that is appropriate.
“What will you change first?”
Of all the stupid questions. The Rules of Engagement, of course. The new ones will be:
1. If it shoots at you, kill it.
2. If it appears to be about to shoot at you, shoot it first.
3. If it threatens you in any way, shoot it.
4. Even if it is a curvy female in black satan pajamas, if it has a rifle in its hands or a bomb strapped to its chest, it’s a combattant. Deal with it. That translates as, “Shoot it.”
5. Collateral Damage is a result of fighting wars on populated battlefields. Since the other side refuses to move the war to unoccupied territory or to fight in the Super Bowl and sell tickets, don’t worry about public monuments, gawking tourists, or reporters. Field Marshall Traynham is going to be annoyed seriously with any soldier injured or killed because he was worrying about somebody’s garden or children playing Cowboys and Muslims in the middle of a running firefight, actual examples from previous military mistakes in Iraq. Avoid hitting goats if possible, but don’t be a fanatic about it.
6. A board of enquiry will be convened to question anyone who “wins” the Purple George Washington. As my sainted husband always said, “The purpose of war is not to die for your country; it is to make some other poor bastard die for his.” Anyone who doesn’t have a good excuse for how he got injured is going to spend his convalescent time memorizing the kings and queens of England in order of succession with dates and details of demise. If he isn’t well yet, he can work on the multiplication tables up to 100 X 100. Yes? You there in the back? No, that is not necessary military knowledge, but it is enough mental drudgery to induce the soldier to pay more attention when he returns to duty.
7. Anybody with the guts to call me at Liar’s Dice gets at least a smile and possibly a promotion, once I have discerned whether he did so attempting to be teacher’s pet or because he weighed the odds correctly. Try winning my approval for anything other than military excellence and at best you will become Laundry & Morale officer.
“Mrs. Traynham, are you aware that this will not be allowed by Congress?” Congress? Where does it fit into my T, O, & E? It doesn’t. I’m going to be fighting a war, not playing politically correct patty-cake. I don’t care about winning the hearts and minds of anyone other than my troops, and even that isn’t a priority so long as they fight to win, don’t get drunk or sleep unless I have given them permission, and come to me about unsuitable commanders rather than fragging them. Just remember that Stinky Mum doesn’t like tattletales, slackers, and cowards. Unless your non-coms would have been considered too harsh by old French Foreign Legion standards, don’t come whining to me. Shape up and get promoted, because Mum will sort out the occasional Captain Queeg or sadistic staff sergeant and use him for vulture bait. Worse than that, I’ll have them reassigned to Point Barrow, Alaska. Woe betide any mess sergeant who doesn’t manage enough ice for both the tea and to keep the beer chilled. Don’t bring me a problem unless you (a) have a solution or (b) know who DOES have the information I need to solve it.
8. Even Lieutenants are God’s creatures, so I will assign each of them three wise old centurions to ensure that eventually we can have some new captains. Many captains have been known to be trainable, some are sensible, and the best are indispensible.
9. You can’t play games with the Field Marshall, but she’s big on battlefield promotions. No points for where you went to college, how much money your Pa has, or your senator being a close family friend. I don’t pay attention to Congress, remember? I can’t be bought, bribed, bludgeoned, or influenced by names.
10. The Afghanis don’t want what we’re selling, so demonstrate why they have to play nicely and let’s get out of that hell hole.
“Mrs. Traynham! You can’t DO that!”
Oh, yeah, says who? I’m the supreme commander in the field, I don’t like the people, the terrain, the conditions, or the politics of anyone involved, and my priorities are to win the dam’ war and take my boys home safely and bake brownies for them. If possible with quite a bit of oil and lithium. No, not in the brownies, as booty. Oh–looting after a battle is fine so long as it doesn’t spoil the line of your BDU’s or distract you from your task, which is making the other side lose any interest in fighting this war. Leave the females alone. Your mother wouldn’t like them, not even the goats.
Hmm…if the reporters keep fainting on me like this we may be able to wind up my penultimate interview even faster than I had anticipated.
11. Extra three-day passes for any crews that destroy all of their targets without expending all of their rounds. Don’t skimp, but be sure you have some left for emergencies and the unexpected. “One shot, one kill” wins points with Field Marshall Traynham.
“Mrs. Traynham? Do you mean that you already know what you will say after the war is over?”
Make that “after you have won the war,” fat head. Of course I know. Three words were good enough for Julius Caesar, and I’m a modest soul, so I’ll use the same “Veni, vidi, vici,” which you liberal rejects of dumbed down schooling probably don’t know takes six words in English: “I came. I saw. I conquered.” End of story, end of mission, and like a previous Roman general I will go back to plowing my fields.
“In another famous quote, ‘How do you get out of this chicken outfit?’”
You do your jobs, trust your squad leaders, win the war, and go home. You know how to do your jobs. Look up to battle-hardened old sergeants; if anyone else will get you home in one piece, it will be them. I’ll see to it that your battlefield commanders won’t throw your lives away through stupidity, cowardice, currying favor in Washington, or not understanding the campaign plans. I’ll be there with you. I’ll do it the White Christmas way: “First we ate, then he ate. First we slept, then he slept.” If it comes to that, “First we got shot, then she got shot.” Mother will see to it that not that many things go wrong, having a profound lack of interest in being shot.
“Any other reasons why you’re the best choice?”
Of course. I suffer fools gladly on rare occasions like this so long as the sin isn’t repeated.
Mum always knows best. I recognize and reward good behavior, initiative, and achievement. I’m a superb Quarter Master, and the first thing we ditch is the nasty Meals, Ready to Eat for anything other than an overnight reconnaisance patrols, where you can have S’mores and hot dogs. No, of course you don’t have to go wander around in the dark. Didn’t you people ever hear of heat-sensing technology and satellites?
If it moves in the dark shoot it after checking through your state of the art night vision equipment, so long as you aim four feet off the ground so you don’t kill a goat by mistake. Again, goats are a great deal nicer than your enemies. They like to be scratched between their horns and fed salad greens, carrots, and slices of lemon. Why else do I forbid shooting goats? Because a goat is real wealth in that Dark Ages society and shooting them probably provokes new fatwas. Henceforth goats will be offered as rewards for intell. Anybody dumb enough to believe a native can show him where Osama bin Laden, the Taliban, and Al Quaeda leaders are playing Texas Hold ‘Em in caves, just go back to reading your comic books before I give you extra duty in the motor pool. No, I don’t care how your uniforms look; I care lots about vehicle maintenance. I don’t give a hoot about your the length of your pony tail, just about how many shooting qualification bars are hanging on your uniform–and I expect to see “expert.”
“Mrs. Traynham? Other than your megalomaniacal tendencies do you know why your plan won’t work?”
Sure. This is America, and we don’t have Field Marshalls.
Related posts:
Kurt says:
June 30th, 2010
2:07 pm
ROTFL If only……
It is a sad day when the so called leadership in Washington causes a general, a four star one at that, to bad mouth it, in an active theater of war. He should have known better, so should Obama and his crew. Shame on both sides.
Linda Brady Traynham says:
June 30th, 2010
2:47 pm
LAUGHING, my Kurt? What makes you think I couldn’t do it?! Even if I didn’t catch a dumb misspelling. War is too important to be left to politicians.
Steve Foste says:
June 30th, 2010
3:00 pm
I would have to abstain from any real comment on this isssue, Other than the fact that we elected a totally inexperienced, idealogical president, and I am being nice today.
Kurt says:
June 30th, 2010
6:02 pm
I think you would do a much better job if left unfettered, than any other general who is fettered by politics. The concept of Mom Field Marshal though…..
Sorry, can’t help but get a mental picture
PeterPansDad says:
June 30th, 2010
7:57 pm
Before I support Linda’s nomination (and I may) I have a few questions. I’m down with the humorous tone of the article but what exactly are we doing there? What’s the objective? What does “win” mean? I mean, nobody seems to want to end the war but Linda so I’m very supportive. I just don’t know where the end is.
“come up with a faster solution to victory than ‘Bomb them back to the Stone Age,’” Bombing them to the stone age is one way of winning? Aren’t they there now?
“my priorities are to win the dam’ war and take my boys home safely and bake brownies for them.” I’m down. Brownies are good. I’ll bring the eggs. Where’s the finish line? How do we measure success?
“so demonstrate why they have to play nicely and let’s get out of that hell hole” Play nicely? For what? What are the rules?
“1. If it shoots at you, kill it.
2. If it appears to be about to shoot at you, shoot it first.
3. If it threatens you in any way, shoot it.
…
11b Don’t shoot goats.”
We can kill everybody in Afghanistan pretty efficiently in a few keystrokes. We may lose a few goats in the process but you can’t make an omlette…. I’m sure they’ve all looked threateningly at an American at some point. If not they probably would have.
How about this:
Step 1. Get out. Stop spending my children’s future money building revenge into their children. War is a racket. Immediate budget savings, future budget savings.
Step 2. Let the chips fall. How many empires have failed to bring that region under control? It’s a crazy world out there. We’ll deal with whatever comes our way. Stop looking for trouble.
Step 3. Stop all foreign aid. Things of value are valued. Don’t give them away. Don’t destroy local markets with charity. Besides, it’s my money you’re giving away.
Step 4. Redirect energies to production. Produce something. Anything. A thing, not a service. Create wealth with your hands.
Step 5. Ignore politicians. Offer them vacations to exotic locations like Afghanistan. One way tickets only. (Maybe this should be step 1.)
Desertrat says:
June 30th, 2010
10:28 pm
As near as I can tell, there is this sorta vague notion that if enough Taliban are killed, non-Taliban types will run the show and prevent Al Qaida and suchlike folks from training there. Sorta hard to do when men and supplies are coming in from all over the Arab world, seems like.
As near as I can tell, the reason for Petraeus’ success in Iraq was that he reversed the US State Dept’s notions: He worked from the bottom up, rather than from the top down. That is, he sent sergeants and lieutenants to villages, to courteously and politely work with the bossmen on security and reconstruction and such, instead of having you-know-what flow downhill from Baghdad. This led first to acquaintance, then trust, and finally a reliable flow of information as to who were the bad guys, where they were, and what they were doing. You win hearts and minds from the bottom up, not from the top down. The old grassroots thing that makes for success in politics.
However, once Obama announced a time table for exiting Afghanistan, the deal was done. That told the Taliban and their allies that all they have to do is to hang on; we’ll go and they’ll remain. It told the non-Taliban Afghanis that, as the South Vietnamese discovered, we’re not reliable allies. It told our NATO allies that we’re not really long-haul serious, so their losses will be “waste” in the old Vietnam usage of that word. At some point the troops will eventually figure that out, just as they did in Korea and Vietnam–which then creates a morale problem and leads to an attitude of, “Don’t die stupid.”
Plus, it’s hard to pay for. We’re broke. This mess makes us broker, as if we weren’t already stoopid enough back here at home. Many an empire has gone down the tubes from the burden of costs of extending power beyond its borders. Sorta looking like it’s our turn.
‘Rat
Kurt says:
July 1st, 2010
1:39 am
I have to agree with this is a stupid war, and we can’t afford it. One of the things that the world seems to try very hard to ignore is that the Koran divides the world into two camps: first is the Muslim camp, the second is that which Islam is at war with. The bleeding hearts of the west try to say that not all Muslims are violent. Wrong, it’s baked into their religion. They even are at semi war amongst themselves, suni vs shia. The only thing they all appear to listen to or respect is more violence.
So hows this for a win strategy?
1) Pull out. No negotiations, no talks, no delays.
2) The President gets on international TV and states we as Americans are not going to be the world’s policeman any more, and we are not going to interfere in the world’s own affairs. But if you attack us, we will fall on you with extreme force.
3) The world says the US has too many nuke? Get rid of a few of them. Drop them on the Muslim country that is the sponsor/trainer/supplier of the next terrorist attack on the US. Turn that country into a self lit, glass topped, radioactive, sterile parking lot. Not even cockroaches alive kind of dead.
4) The hour after it is finished, the President goes on international TV, gets up and speak one word into the mic, “Next?”, while looking around as if searching for the next country to bomb, then walks off stage.
It would be a very long time before we had to deal with terrorism again. In fact, I can just picture Qaddafi falling all over himself in an effort to round up terrorists in Libya to turn over to American agents, just to prove he is not part of the threat. But the left would say that’s wrong, immoral. What’s immoral is allowing Islamic terrorists to fly our planes into our buildings, kidnap American citizens for years at a time, and do nothing while they plan their next attack on say, the water supply for New York city? Yes, the Lord said if they smack you on the cheek, offer them the other. He didn’t say to offer them the other if they are killing your family. These people are, have been , targeting and killing Americans. Make no mistake about it, none of them have any love for America. Even our so called friends in the Arab world only respect us out of fear, not love. Violence is the only thing they listen to.
But we do need to stop trying to tell the world how to live. If we leave them alone, stop interfering with their lives, except extreme brute force when they attack us, there would not be even the perceived need to be in Afghanistan, even in the most deranged politicians mind. Problem solved.
Linda Brady Traynham says:
July 1st, 2010
2:16 am
Kurt, believe me, although normally I use charm and sweet reason to get my way and get things done, Field Marshal Traynham wouldn’t stand for any nonsense. I’ve learned from the best, and my biggest problem would be having to remember that I was brains, inspiration, and leadership and couldn’t go into the field myself. In Charles’ favorite phrase, when it is time to “lay a little leadership on” someone, I can do it. I spent a bunch of time counseling/consoling/ mothering in a way he could only have taken from the wife, daughter, sister, cousin, aunt, granddaughter, and niece (truly) of professional warriors, and one of the things that impressed Clay most was the day I found him brooding over a photo of a dead Iraqui on his lap top, looked dispassionately at what passes for brains in that area of the world spilled in the sand, and told him fiercely that I would shoot as many brigades as it took personally before I would see one of our boys hurt. I’m so old and fat I would probably only make a good sniper, these days, but the ROE infuriate me. How DARE they put our kids at risk callously? You know what tore the kiddo up most? A little girl got killed in the firefight while they were clearing a village under heavy fire. No, you can’t really call it “collateral damage.” The idiotic child’s stupid parents had given her a realistic water gun and she went outside to play Cowboys and Muslims. Ye gods and little catfishes, what do you suppose will happen if you come around a corner barrel first when people are shooting at each other? Clay kept envisioning her as growing up to be a beautiful, intelligent, well-educated, happily married woman and winced every time he saw a nine-year-old for months. Get a grip, kid. She was going to grow up to be abused, ignorant, flea-bitten, semi-human flotsam living in the most dismal poverty even if the Iraquis and the Afghanis were interested in what we’re selling, which they aren’t. Anyone too dim to hide under the bed when people are shooting at each other isn’t showing a great deal of potential. Clay is finally a happy, productive college student starting his sophomore year and working for me around going to school. He’s going to be a veterinarian. He loves animals (who dote on him), he wants to heal, and he’s seen enough mangled friends to last him a lifetime, so being an MD is out. This evening he was in the area where we give all the large animals a little snack every evening, both for the pleasure and to check their condition. (Belle is limping slightly on her right foreleg, and #55 is going to calve any time now.) Four of the goat girls were crowded around him after he dispensed the sweet range cubes, rubbing up against him lovingly to get petted, and with his other hand he was scratching a yearling steer between the horns. THAT is what our young men should be doing instead of begging permission to shoot back when fired upon. I taught Clay to read on 5th grade level when he was five, and every time I think about what I know of his two tours (almost back to back, with a vacation for Katrina in the middle) I wish I could bang Congressional heads together–or, better yet, put THEM and the JCS in uniforms to find out what it is like to see buddies blown up by fanatical children carrying bombs and hunkered down begging for permission to take out a mortar raining death on their platoons. Gee, in those circumstances, I might be tempted to say “no,” myself, and lecture them piously about “winning the hearts and minds of the people.” One of the saddest books I ever read was Anton Myrer’s “Once An Eagle,” about two soldiers, both of whom become generals. From start to finish the political type wins out over the soldier’s soldier. I learned to shoot sixty years ago, and I have never shot at a single living thing. I hope desperately that it is never necessary to do so, but I’ve been watching politicians throw lives away since Viet Nam and it is long past time to tell the peaceniks and the Statists that if they have a good reason, sure, we’ll go to war, but we expect our young men to be allowed to win it. Of course I don’t think girls have any business being ground troops! They aren’t constructed right for it, and we don’t have to send our young females into combat as Israel does. It’s fine with me if they run computers, fly jets, go into space, or do almost anything except serve on ships (especially cramped submarines) and risk multiple rape and torture in the field. Aaah…lighten up, Linda, and tell the man about how you got your dog. Four years ago I found Babe, the Big Black Lummox (I think she’s half Newfoundland, half Shetland Pony, and a dash of St. Bernard) tied to a tree on a 4-foot rope with some moldy kibble thrown in the dirt and a little filthy water with pine needles leaching a nasty taste into it, and an 8-year-old fiend shooting her with a pellet gun. I marched over, all five foot not quite two of me, untied the dog, and gritted out, “This is MY dog, now. Are. There. Any. Questions?” No, there weren’t, just excuses for their “care” of a “rescue” dog for a friend who hadn’t bothered to see what sort of job they were doing. I took the sweetest old dog in Christendom away from a violent person twenty years my junior and six inches taller than I am, AND her paramour, who also has a lengthy criminal record, AND the brat who was abusing her. It was three months before Babe could run again, and a solid month before she trusted me enough to dare to take a big, meaty bone when I held it out on a butcher’s tray. She had always been kicked away from food, you see, and she’s a GOOD girl who never jumps up. You bet I value that dog more than I do the trash who neglected and kicked her. The Baby Girl is seldom far from her goddess’ side, and she has hysterics when it rains, particularly a thunderstorm. NOT for herself, for ME. She is terrified that I will go outside, or even near a window. She knows how violent our storms are and she is not content until I go back and get in bed where she can keep me safe. To this day she goes far out in the pasture to defecate, bless her. Anyone who thinks I would not defend our troops as ferociously from doves and terrorists hasn’t been listening. Genuine smile…that’s what moms do. Dispense justice, teach right behavior, and protect the innocent. Yeah, I know you guys were teasing, but you bet I’d give the job the best I have if I could get it–and so would all of you.
Kurt says:
July 1st, 2010
2:45 am
I know you would. And damned right I would too. So good I’d be fired by the politicians who think that conflict is a political tool that they can control to the extent that our boys wind up dead because they are not allowed to fight back, but still have to be in harms way. Pisses me off no end. If ya ain’t gonna fight ta win, don’t pick up a weapon. I agree with the sentiments of MacArthur when he said he would prosecute that war till Japanese was a language spoken only in hell. I hate war, but if you’re forced into a situation where you absolutely have to fight, there are only two acceptable goals: unconditional surrender on the part of your enemy, or genocide. Anything less is suicide on your part because those will be his goals, so try not to have to fight.
Mom Field Marshal though ….. what a mental picture that builds lol.
Linda Brady Traynham says:
July 1st, 2010
2:52 am
Dear Peter Pan’s Dad:
Your solution is far superior to mine but harder to implement. I don’t want to fight any wars, either as an individual or as a nation, not counting throwing Mexican invaders out. My semi-tongue-in-check response was predicated on the supposition that the empire builders who don’t even take the empires won’t let us get out of places where we aren’t appreciated, aren’t doing any good, aren’t profiting, and are killing–again–a far higher proportion of young men from the South. I’ve watched my husband, my brother, my cousin, and two nephews thrown into harm’s way to no effect, and it just sort of boiled up. Thank GOD my only son is an accountant! (Who competes in Brazilian jiu-jitsu and is a superb shot!) All of MY loved ones came back safe, at least.
Crew, PPD is a fraud; he kindly sent me an adorable picture of his precious, beautiful little blonde girls cuddling a gorgeous little Nubian doeling. He’s doing a great job of living what Gary Gibson and I call “La vida Whiskey,” becoming more self-sufficient all the time and giving his family the joy and safety of being out of the city. I haven’t asked, yet, but I imagine they plan on home-schooling. Smile…truly, the biggest luxury a man can give his family is a stay at home mom, followed by great, personalized home education.
I love what I do. I love not keeping house because we can manage to pay others to do the work out of my SS. For now, at least. I love reading the mail over here and sensing the pleasure and excitement the rest of you get from it. Guess what?! Publisher Michael Rough says we’re growing at a fantastic rate, so keep on writing the great responses and telling your friends about the Ring. Anybody who wants to have a go at writing an article, dive right in. The worst I will say is, “Would you write this over in plain English?!”
In case you haven’t noticed, certainly I think we publish superb articles, but the reader mail is superior to any I have seen anywhere else, and that includes our “parent” W&G.
What is REAL wealth? Being happy doing just what you are doing and not wanting anything reasonable that you cannot have. No, I cannot have a pair of “Liz Taylor” diamond earrings from Harry Winston, a quarter of a million dollars any day, but who among us would call those reasonable? Besides, I don’t want to go anywhere to wear them, being blissfully happy right here with my animals, our plans, my darling Charles, my writing, and friends like you. My biggest regret is that not one of you really lives close enough to visit. How I would love to go see PPD and take along a magnificent Nubian buckling of our breeding–which, laughter, I have no use for. He’s related to too many of the others. To go Biblical briefly, as Peter said at the Gate Beautiful, “Such as I have I give unto you,” and what I have is 3 great bucklings who need homes.
If I had only one last thing, ever, to tell you, it would be this: if you believe it, the best is yet to come. Intellectually I know I’m an old lady, but in every way that counts I have never been happier in my life, and neither has my dear Charles. Who got another job offer this week, which we turned down. In many ways the older you get, the easier life is. Hugs and thanks, Linda
Linda Brady Traynham says:
July 1st, 2010
3:34 am
Kurt, beautifully said. In case you haven’t noticed, you’re getting to be quite a favorite with me. I have to laugh over MacArthur, who was a whale of a general but an arrogant creep frequently, because MDC and his son went to school together in Japan. Aaah-thuh tried to pull rank (the boys being about seven or eight) and Charles, whose step-father was “enlisted swine,” bloodied his nose. Jean scooped up Aaah-thuh and went back to the Philippines.
MY hero is Patton, while Charles favors Chesty Puller. We have a lot of historical discussions around here, including “what if…?”
Yup…don’t fight unless you must, but if you must, fight to win, no holds barred. However, if I could get back to a size 7 (which is about a 4 these days) don’t you think I’d be cute as a button in bloused fatigues, combat boots, and a beret cocked at a saucy angle? ROFL. Actually, I wear military berets frequently with great, gaudy rhinestone pins for my flash, and one with a sterling Stewart clan badge. Charles, oddly enough, is closing in on being the Clan Chief of THREE American branches of Scottish clans. Too many funerals recently…
Life is so much fun. My brother, his wife, and my parents had driven up to see my nephew, Bruce, be graduated from the Air Force Academy. It was rather crowded in the traffic jam which ensued, and bird Colonel Brady, driving a rather nice 528e limited edition (only 400 made) BMW (we’re all German and English car mad in my family) heard an irate female voice yell, “Get your tinker toy Beamer out of my way!” Wa’al, th’ Cuh’nl warn’t accustomed to that, much, so he got out to read to the harridan from the book. Right up to where he sees the speaker is a General in a bigger BMW! Only possible answer, “Yes, ma’am.”
I’m probably the dull one in my very colorful family! Bruce, now, boxed at the Academy. In both his sophomore and junior years he went to the finals, and lost, both times. He declined to box his senior year, saying he had proven twice that he was the second best amateur boxer in America and he didn’t see any need to prove it again. His answer for why he was so good was that he didn’t like getting hit.
Then there’s my cousin Andy, the veterinarian turned insurance salesmen (he said his clients didn’t weigh 2000 pounds and step on his feet or call him at two a.m.), who turned over in his sleep one night in the BOQ in Ton Son Hut just as a rocket came through the window and knicked off part of his elbow. Andy is the only vet to be wounded since the Spanish-American war and THAT one was kicked by a mule. That balances a high school beau who spent ten years as a rocket scientist (literally), came home, and went back to A&M and became a vet.
Or my cousin, Dee-Dee, who married Albert Einstein’s nephew, who was no “Einstein.” (No, I never met the great man.) The world wasn’t stuffed to overflowing with ladies who would have married Morris, but she did it. What can I say? These things just HAPPEN to me.
Turns out one of you has a brother in Kennewick, WA, where I lived for about six years. What a funny, funny, kooky, odd world.
Linda Brady Traynham says:
July 1st, 2010
3:39 am
Rat, dang it, if only you’d move several hundred miles North-East we could be neighbors. Great response.
Kurt says:
July 1st, 2010
4:27 am
“Kurt, beautifully said. In case you haven’t noticed, you’re getting to be quite a favorite with me.”
They have a term for that: masochistic. They also have meds to treat it now. I think I can claim the oddball status of my family. Got my sense of humor from my mom: too warped to hide behind a corkscrew :>
Hmmmm do I dare ask which one of us has a brother in Kennewick? I’d hate to think I lived that close to mine without knowing it. Haven’t heard from mine in a decade almost, nobody knows where he is lol.
PeterPansDad says:
July 1st, 2010
6:00 am
Homeschool? Check. I read everything I can get my hands on, they read just as much. I eviscerate chickens, we study anatomy. We walk through the pasture, we study ecology. We all go to church, we all do the shopping, we all earn our wage. “School” sounds too formal. We just learn stuff. Can’t help it.
Everybody (ages 33-4) makes their bed, picks up toys, puts away dishes, sweeps, gathers eggs, folds towels or otherwise helps mommy. Those are just normal things you do to get through life. No allowance for doing what must be done. The oldest boy (Peter Pan himself) gets ten cents per chicken for cutting off feet and pulling heads. 10% goes to church, 50% goes to the bank, 40% is his (He’s saving for a guitar). Kids get paid for going above and beyond in the garden (mostly that means they spend more time pulling weeds and less time playing with kittens in the barn.) I want them to feel that it’s all theirs, not all mine. I’m investing in their future, not mine.
So that’s me. Computer guy, home schooler, husband to my H.S. sweetheart, Christian, gun owner, book lover, semi-sane, libertarian.
A war on “terror” is scary to me. I homeschool, short stocks, sell the dollar, openly question my elected leaders and post on this website. I even speed from time to time. It wouldn’t be hard to lump me into the enemy camp.
Now I have two questions.
1. Again, what is the proposed endpoint in Afghanistan? We’ve always been at war with Eastasia.
2. Who reads Rolling Stone? They must have been shocked that anybody found the article at all. I bet ad sales doubled.
PeterPansDad says:
July 1st, 2010
8:23 am
“How I would love to go see PPD and take along a magnificent Nubian buckling of our breeding–which, laughter, I have no use for.”
You’re welcome any time. You should probably wait a little bit though. I’ve mismanaged my compost pile and it’s a bit smelly. Chicken guts require LOTS of dense carbon. Need more wood chips, old bedding doesn’t cut it.
Better yet, send directions and we’ll come to you. Prepare 6 bunks and line up a couple of work days. Have to wait till the garden is out though.
Desertrat says:
July 1st, 2010
11:04 am
“…what is the proposed endpoint in Afghanistan? We’ve always been at war with Eastasia.”
While I could hark back to my earlier post, a cynic might say that it’s to enable an oil/gas pipeline to the West. The recently ballyhooed “mineral wealth” is largely hooey, absent enough of a peaceful situation for long-term private sector investment.
A political cartoon in Ed Steer’s column, today, showed Petraeus as Sisyphus. Quite rational, seems like to me.
PeterPansDad says:
July 1st, 2010
12:27 pm
Desertrat,
I didn’t see that cartoon as a Sisyphean task, though you may be right. I just thought he was going to get crushed as Obama watched. Oh, I mean I think he’s going to get crushed as Obama watches. “Here you go, little dutch boy. Put your finger here. Now keep it all together while I go shopping for a new recovery.”
I couldn’t agree more with your posting, though I thought you were kidding when you said if we kill enough people who hate us, the people who love us will be the majority.
I’m sure you and I both agree on what victory means. Living without fear of attack from our friends in the middle east. Bringing our brothers home. The current administration (like the previous one) appears to think we just need to wait for the cake to bake. A little more time, a little more heat and we’re good. Fuel the fire with a couple of kids from Arkansas and in July 2011 we’re going to party like it’s 1999. Mission Accomplished. Similarly, a little more time, a little more money and they think the velocity of money will magically pick up. Voila, recovery.
What’s the plan? Create a media circus, fire an officer, read a teleprompter, pass out bread and promise the moon?!?! Some plan.
Can we fix monetary policy? Political suicide. Besides, I think we’re too far gone already. Can we fix foreign policy? Maybe. But we’ve got a mess on our hands and it appears that there are a handful of people that care. I don’t know what do do. I’m gathering my chips.
Maybe we should just turn Linda loose on the world. I for one welcome our new goatherd overlord. I would like to remind her I might be helpful in rounding up others to toil in her subtropical dairy.
James the Wanderer says:
July 1st, 2010
3:34 pm
“Avoid hitting goats if possible, but don’t be a fanatic about it.” HOWLS of laughter!
Agree with all of it. If we ever manage to get a WARRIOR in charge again, a lot of insanity will come to a screeching halt. Our soldiers should not have to spend any time at all waiting for permission to defend themselves.
ROE: define an area, go get ‘em, clean it out & hold it; repeat until out of real estate (and don’t forget to take along some SEALs, whose ideas of real estate are rather expansive).
We WILL find our souls and our nerve again, or go the way of Rome; and I suspect the next Republic will be a lot less tolerant of immigrant invasion, treason, leakage of classified information and quibbling about all of it. If you can’t or won’t help defend it (against all comers in every way), why be a part of it? And how can you expect it to protect you?
Keep it up, great writing!
Desertrat says:
July 1st, 2010
3:54 pm
Those with the decision-making authority about going to war MUST have a clear-cut reason. They must have a goal beyond mere destruction. There must be understanding of the enemy culture, as well. And, given our own cultural desire for short-term thinking and immediate results, a goal which the public can agree is worth more than a “get in, hit, and get out” process.
Think back to Iraq. Yeah, it was worth doing to end Saddam’s genocidal ways. But the lack of understanding of the local cultural and political situation had us go in without enough troops to control the borders, and with the expectation that we’d be received as we were in Paris in 1944. Add to this the top-down structure I mentioned in my first post, and the result is that it’s still a mess, seven years later.
As for Afghanistan, I stand by my earlier comment that Obama lost that war with his mouth, and nothing we can do will change that. We’re not going to have a WW II-style ending, no way, no how. If nothing else, tribalism, corruption among the Afghani leaders, and ancient internecine hostilites are way too much for us to ever overcome.
Lynne says:
July 1st, 2010
11:50 pm
Linda, Our Armed forces are very good at winning battles and wars. Not so mch at nation building. I don’t think we should be doing that “Nation building”. I only want folks attacking us to fear us. The Military took out the Taliban and Iraq in about 3 weeks. I’d tell them get right or we’ll be back.
We got the bad guys out of your way, now you build your country. If we don’t like it we’ll let loose the other barrel.
Desertrat says:
July 2nd, 2010
9:53 am
During the Nixon-era Peace Accords in Paris, an NVA colonel and a US colonel were walking toward the Versailles palace. The US colonel commented, “You know, we defeated you in every battle.” The response was, “Yes, but that’s irrelevant.”
Wars are rarely won on the battlefield.
CheriVNB says:
July 2nd, 2010
4:36 pm
Delightful! There is nothing like sensible strategies sprinkled with sterling sarcasm to sooth the savage soul. I needed a nice giggle.
JTW said:
“We WILL find our souls and our nerve again, or go the way of Rome; and I suspect the next Republic will be a lot less tolerant of immigrant invasion, treason, leakage of classified information and quibbling about all of it. If you can’t or won’t help defend it (against all comers in every way), why be a part of it? And how can you expect it to protect you?”
I do hope you are right about finding our souls and nerve. But the last line should be a bumper sticker!
USA, if you won’t protect her, why should she protect you?
Cheri
Desertrat says:
July 3rd, 2010
6:10 am
‘Scuse me while I do a bit of back-patting. I’m at least half-smart. I found this, this AM:
http://www.upi.com/Top_News/Analysis/2010/07/01/Outside-View-Balance-of-power-in-Afghanistan/UPI-76521277979060/
From a guy on the ground:
“No doubt encouraged by the announced timetable for the withdrawal of American forces, the United States appears to have lost a long-term commitment both of the Karzai government and Pakistan and hasn’t gained the support of the dominant Pashtun tribal group.
Hedging his bets, Afghan President Hamid Karzai is now negotiating with the Taliban and the Pakistan government.”
And:
“The attempt to establish a Western-style federal government has thus far failed to take root and runs contrary to the Afghan tribal tradition of resisting central control.
A confederation of tribal-based entities, which provides a more natural and historically validated balance-of-power system, seems a more likely path to success in Afghanistan.”
I was fairly close in my earlier comments, here. A blind hog finds an acorn, every now and then…
‘Rat
Lynne says:
July 3rd, 2010
7:28 pm
wars must be won hard, fast and dirty. I’m not here to be polite. I think we should have gone as nasty and hard and dirty to win. No I don’t like the new ROE. We cripple them and if they puff up we send in SF, Drones and give them hell. If you don’t want hell to visit your country stop messing with us. Blow the hell out of each other. But you attack us we dwill bring the thunder. Fricking muslim warrior hiding behind women and children and in Mosques. Yes you are really brave. Oh scourse you know if you go out on the battlefeild you will get dead. I just don’t understand why we give them that option? Of course I don’t understand the border problem. I do have an easy if not simple fix.
Lynne says:
July 3rd, 2010
7:38 pm
Certainly not a general of any sort. Just a well educated NCO. I’d go in hard fast and nasty. I can’t win hearts and minds. that’s a mistake I think most democracies make. I have a very basic idea. Don’t mess with us and we won’t be back! Fuss with us and we will give you the other barrel. Go in hard and nasty and win. It’s your country build it. If we don’t like it we’ll let you know.
Kurt says:
July 3rd, 2010
9:46 pm
Lol. Calm down Lynne, the steam coming out of your ears will wilt your hair if the sparks don’t set it on fire. You get any more ticked off, and peeps will think you’re me posting under a different name. You don’t want that on your psych docket, trust me…..
Lynne says:
July 3rd, 2010
10:21 pm
heck kurt my comments are light. I do beleive on any war go in fast and dirty. And go in to win. If you don’t want to win pull out. congress sets the rules the military only carries it out. not my fault about the screwups.
Lynne says:
July 3rd, 2010
10:49 pm
Understand Afghanistan as it is. Not what we want it to be. Even Alexander the Great kind of blew past waring with these folks. have a village and warrior mind set. I don’t want Afghanistan. I just want the taliban stopped. You play with your religous rules. I willl never accept your idea of aworld wide caliphate. I’m well armed and I know how to use a gun.
Attack the USA and you attack 80-100 million well armed americans. We will see how far you get. If you want some you will get some.
Lynne says:
July 3rd, 2010
11:00 pm
not my choise the folks there. I’m sorry war is nasty and ugly. Yes I want them to die instead of Americans. I did not pick this was they did even by default. No I dont feel bad.
Kurt says:
July 4th, 2010
2:58 am
Oh, I’m with ya on that one. I’ve already stated my belief on it, if we have to do it, unconditional surrender or genocide. And I mean that in the literal sense. Parts of me want to say a few things to make them want to track me down, just so I can have at them and be justified in the eyes of some hair brain judge. But if ya hair catches on fire from the sparks, or wilts from the steam, that makes for a bad hair day for you, and you might take it out on us
Desertrat says:
July 4th, 2010
8:40 am
Trouble with all this hair/teeth/eyeballs stuff is that this war is being fought as though we were in a conventional war like in the past–but it’s a whole different deal.
Read up some on “Fourth Generation War” to get a better understanding.
This is guerilla war fought by individuals and small groups, with generally-covert support from countries which hate us. There is no way that conventional forces which fight in a conventional manner can win. There is, for all practical purposes, an unlimited number of people to fight against us, with an unlimited amount of small-sized armaments.
I grant that hindsight is 20/20, but you have to go back to 1) The Cold War and 2) The consumer demands of an industrialized society in order to gain some understanding of the effects of short-term expediency in foreign policies of the US. (And I’m not saying I’d have done differently at those times…:-) )
Enough. It would take a book…
‘Rat
Lynne says:
July 12th, 2010
12:39 pm
Rejoice !! The new CENTCOM commander General James Mattis.
“You go into Afghanistan, you got guys who slap women around for five years, because they didn’t wear a veil,” Mattis said. “You know guys like that ain’t got no manhood left anyway. So it’s a hell of a lot of fun to shoot ‘em.”