The Causes and Cures for Global Warming

Author Tony Demaio

Folks, I have been giving some thoughts to the problem of global warming. I sort of hope it is true, as I sit here in “sunny” California, in the middle of April, with a fire in the fireplace trying to keep warm. As a matter of fact, I KNOW it is true because a good part of our political apparatus and news media continually informs me that it is so. Strangely enough, while “global warming” is due to become a problem in a hundred years or so, and Social Security and Medicare are due to become a problem in ten or twenty years or so, global warming is considered a “crisis” and Social Security and Medicare are not.

CAUSES:

I have come up with some theories of the cause(s) of global warming; I state them herein for your consideration.

1. As is well known, the earth spins upon its axis. As is also well known, we are taking oil out of the earth to consume for fuel and lubrication. What is NOT well known is that the purpose of that oil is to lubricate the earth’s axis. As we draw more and more oil out of the ground, friction is building up at the bearings of the axis, and is generating heat. This heat is transferring itself to the surface and creating hurricanes, melting ice at the poles, raising sea level, and generally creating havoc.

A little thought will enlighten you to where you will realize that these problems are minor compared to the future. At some time in the future, the friction on the bearings will become so great that the bearings will “freeze” and the earth will grind to a halt. Since the rotational speed of the earth at the equator is about 1,000 mph, it is expected that those in the near proximity of the equator will be hurled off into space. Those closer to the poles will experience objects (e.g. houses) “shifting” or sliding east. I suggest you take steps NOW to secure your home by tying it to a tree or purchasing an anchor. Of course, the best thing would be to simply move closer to the poles where the rotational velocity is much less. It is akin to the old cure for car accidents. “When I found out that 80% of the car accidents occurred within 20 miles of the person’s home, I moved.”

2. As is well known, we are sending rockets up into space for various purposes (satellite radio, weather, spying, building a space station), as are other nations. These rockets are boring holes in the atmosphere and the ozone layer and allowing direct unfiltered heat from the sun to shine down these holes and strike the earth. The heat is funneled down these holes and is concentrated in various spots on the earth that heat up, spread to other areas, and generally heat the entire planet. These holes also allow oxygen to escape into space. The reason the ice caps are melting so fast is that many of the rockets are sent up into polar orbits, so that is where most of the holes are.

3. Perhaps the reader will recall the seventies. At that time, there was much concern about “global cooling”. Many articles appeared then, like the following:

“… scientific circles, a more dramatic account appeared in the popular media, notably an April 28, 1975 article in Newsweek magazine. Titled ‘The Cooling World,’ it pointed to ‘ominous signs that the Earth’s weather patterns have begun to change’ and pointed to ‘a drop of half a degree [Fahrenheit] in average ground temperatures in the Northern Hemisphere between 1945 and 1968.’ Though the article claimed that ‘[t]he evidence in support of these predictions [of global cooling] has now begun to accumulate so massively that meteorologists are hard-pressed to keep up with it,’ …”

Many steps were taken to warm the planet—like replacing freon gas as a refrigerant, changing the propellant in spray paint, cleaner fuel (unleaded gas) and other such actions.

4. Consider the internet, t.v. radio, cell phones, etc. As is well known, all these mediums use radio waves, or electromagnetic radiation, in one form or another. As is also well known, this radiation consists of electrons. As more and more communication takes place through more crowded wave bands (emerging nations coming “on line”, more stations, additional mediums), I suggest that what is happening is all those electrons begin to collide with one another (generating heat) and rub against one another (generating friction/heat) and thus warming the earth’s atmosphere, which then radiates down to the surface.

5. Consider deforestation. The trees we are cutting down grow into the atmosphere. When the earth spins, those trees provide the useful function of friction against the atmosphere. Now, at first thought, it would be thought that without that friction, the earth should be cooling. However, what is actually happening is that without that friction, the earth’s rotation is gaining speed, resulting in MORE friction against the atmosphere, and generating heat.

SOLUTIONS:

1. In order to attack the problem with the lack of oil on the earth’s axis/bearings, I propose a two pronged attack.

a. First we immediately cease burning oil to generate electricity and begin building nuclear power plants.

b. Simultaneously, I propose expeditions to the north and south poles to locate the axis bearings in order to douse them with oil, and keep them saturated until the earth can regenerate enough oil to replace that which we have squandered.

2. In order to attack the problem with the holes in our atmosphere, I propose a two pronged attack.

a. That we locate the holes and plug them by flying airplanes in a circular pattern around the holes to displace the air and fill in the holes; or stretch a reflective tarp across the holes at a high altitude using balloons to support it.

b. That we locate the base of the holes and light fires using strong wood—like oak. (Strong wood makes strong smoke.) The smoke will rise up the holes until it cools. That cold smoke, supported by the rising smoke that will keep it from “falling” will plug the holes.

3. I further suggest that we cease all the steps we took to warm the planet.

a. Now that the profit has been squeezed from replacing freon gas with some other gases, I propose that a law be passed replacing those gases with freon in refrigerant systems.

b. Now that the oil companies have reaped the profits from putting lead into gasoline, additional profits from taking lead OUT of gasoline, it is time for them to reap the profits of putting the lead BACK INTO gasoline.

c. As with the above, spray paint manufacturers should be allowed the extra profit of returning to the original propellant, and be paid a subsidy to do so.

4. In order to eliminate the electron friction, we must cease all electromagnetic communication—or at least prevent it from expanding into other countries. In this country, we must limit the total number of television channels to six, unless the signal is transmitted via cable. (All transmission cables must be insulated and/or cooled.) About half the radio stations must be closed, and cell phones outlawed.

5. We must immediately cut down all the old growth trees and replant with several smaller trees. Such a course of action will accomplish two things:

a. It will increase the oxygen in the air because young healthy trees recycle far more carbon dioxide into oxygen than older mature trees.

b. It will increase the amount of surface area exposed to the atmosphere, generate more friction, and slow down the earth’s rotation. Cooling fans should be installed in forested areas to reduce the amount of heat generated by the friction of the trees against the atmosphere.

c. It is not well known, but the volume of water that the Giant Sequoia tree consumes in a 24-hour period contains enough suspended minerals to pave 17.3 feet of a 4-lane concrete freeway. Such conversion generates heat and cutting down such trees will thus do “double duty. (Additionally, it will save water.)

When you think about it, is it any loonier that what we’ve been fed as “truth”?

Regards,

Tony De Maio

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1. Probability and Percentage
2. Town Hall Meeting

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