Does It Seem Like A Trend?
Wednesday, November 16th, 2011Author Java Man
Fathers are indespensible. There. I’ve said it.
I’ve gone against the conventional wisdom of the times and stated a truth that is unpopular. Fathers, especially involved fathers, are indespensible to the upbringing and education of children to responsible adults.
As I’ve mentioned in a previous article, I’ve recently had a birthday. One of my in-laws, sent me a stack of books – all released in conjunction with the movie, “Courageous”.
Now, I’ve been wanting to go see the movie, but it’s been in limited release, and we’ve been busy. Thankfully, it’s still showing at one of our local theaters, so we went to see it this past Sunday afternoon. An amazing movie – the characters are well established and complex, and yes, even flawed. The situations not simply cookie-cutter, and the resolutions not easy to implement.
After seeing the movie, I have dived (dove?) into reading the first book (well, it’s the first one that made sense to me to read), and I have to say that it, and the movie, have posed a bit of a challenge to me.
While already desiring to be a good father to the kids I am step-fathering, this has challenged me to step up and be more than just a father, but to be a ‘dad’ and to be the best dad, and the best man I can be. A man’s man, so to speak. A man of Integrity. With a capital ‘I’. Not that I didn’t want to be previously. Sometimes, however, a shot of inspiration is needed.
Even more than that, a Man after God’s own heart, as David was.
Studies have indicated that men that lead their families, and raise their children purposefully, have a tremendous impact on how their children grow into adults, and how those children fare in their adulthood.
I want my kids to do well – what father/dad doesn’t? Yet, we are more invested in our work and hobbies or golf game, than we are in our childrens lives. Does that seem right to you?
It takes a courageous man to stand up and say, “No more!”
“No more soft-porn on the TV in MY house.”
“No more compromise on ethical issues in MY house.”
“No more ‘bending the truth’ because it’s convenient in MY house.”
“No MORE!”
And it take the courage of one’s convictions to say, “As for me and MY house; we will serve the LORD” – to teach our kids right from wrong, truth from lie, good from evil. That character really does count. That integrity is doing what is right. Every time. Even when no one is watching. *Especially* when no one is watching.
If we had a few men of courage these days, we might take back the country from the looters that seem to think they are entitled to sit and loaf while the rest of us work to support them. If our men of Courage would lead us to say, “No more!”
As I wrote in one of my previous posts, “All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.” But those good men, they need courage!
Where are you men of Courage? When will you appear and stand up for what is right?
As I take these issues of life by the horns; as I chose this day, and every day, to renew my resolve to bring up my children in the knowledge of truth; and as I recommit myself to model a life of Integrity myself, will you join me?
* ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Java, here’s another small thought: a decent, ethical, principled courageous man needs the backing of a good woman for his partner, and those are rather hard to come by, too. You’ve got a gem in “Beautiful,’ Alan’s spouse must be a combination of Saint and Wonder Woman, and Charles, of course, staggers along with me. I think part of what makes it work for all of us isn’t just that we’re good people but that we do see our relationships as partnerships. I have commented before that dear Charles is a dirty, lousy, nasty, rotten cheat because he plays so unfair. He knows that all he has to do in ordinary situations is say, “I wish you woldn’t.” Is that awful, or what? Yes, and unfair. And why I don’t have a camel and a tiger. I certainly can do anything I wish, but I may not do precisely as I please because it would make him unhappy. (He took what he insists is not an unreasonable dislike to camels in Egypt, Afghanistan, and Kuwait, but until I get to know a camel personally how will I know? Maybe they just haven’t been loved enough.) Hah. I just made a dreadful threat; I informed him that if he dies before I do I’m going to call the exotic animal dealer and buy a camel. Even before I call the crematorium. Well, it might take a few days to find a camel and I want it at the funjeral. Where it will probably eat all the flowers. Gentle laughter…if I really, really wanted to do something, though, he’d help me figure out a way to get it done.
The answer, Java, is I will be the best lady I know how, that being the best I can do. I will be honorable, truthful, kind, and never, ever vote for a Democrat.
Okay, who is next?
LBT
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Desertrat says:
November 16th, 2011
10:32 pm
I still recall the advice of Davidson and Lord Rees-Mogg in their book, “Blood in the Streets”: For sucess in life, get married, stay married. Get a job, and the only time you leave a job is to take a better one. Save money and invest wisely.
I’ll add to use debt as a tool to increase one’s net worth–thus relieving one of the pressure of money problems. Absent that pressure, one can focus on the quality of life at home.
JavaMan says:
November 17th, 2011
8:01 am
Well, there were supposed to be two articles that preceded this one. I am assuming they got lost in the mail someplace, and will resend …!
DRat – Staying married is great advice. But then so is Proverbs 21:9 “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house” -Trust me, I speak from experience…really.
As for debt – Like any other tool, it can be abused. Sadly, many today do.
Linda – You will get nothing but complete agreement here on the partnership thing. As I mentioned to the ‘rat above, I know that verse from personal experience. Would I have rather not? yes, of course, but after trying to pull the “cart” (of a marriage partnership) one way, while the ex pulled it the other, I had enough. Of course, her telling me to go certainly helped my decision. Ad you say, I have a gem in Beautiful. She knows what the other verse in Proverbs is about (“The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD” Prov 18:22) .. a Treasure indeed.
Just get a Greek camel (is there such a thing?) – that way when it spits you can say that it’s for good luck.
JavaMan says:
November 17th, 2011
8:10 am
One more thought, Linda, on the backing of a good woman. If the man of principle is married, it is a definite MUST that she be a good woman, a full partner. Without that, it is truly impossible to stand the what is right without contention in the home.
He needs to know that when he does the right thing and loses that job or promotion, or has to quit because the boss asked something morally wrong of him that she will still believe in his ability to lead. That in fact, this is evidence of his ability to lead.
AS you have pointed out – I have just such a partner. I have friends that are amazed that Beautiful and I are so much on the same page when it comes to the discipline of the kids and every aspect of our life. I find it amazing that those friends’ marriages aren’t.
Sacrifice for one another brings us both so much more than what we would ever hope to get out of our marriage if we went at it in a “me” way – or even 50/50. Here it’s 100/100 – we’re both invested 100% in it.
And now, I’ve written another article as a comment! Sheesh, how I do get on a tear sometimes.
Tex Norton says:
November 17th, 2011
11:22 am
My oldest son is age 45 but his mother and I were divorced when he was age 4. I’ve been forced to admit to myself that had it not been for that divorce, I would have remained just another part-time father. After all, I had to spend my “serious” time building my business. The divorce forced me to spend quality-time with my son. Prior to the divorce, I saw him for a few minutes every day on a superficial basis. Afterwards, the time I was able to spend with him was entirely quality-time. It paid-off handsomely.
It forced me to plan. We intentionally hiked Catalina Island. We hiked to the Phantom Ranch at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. We rode motorcycles around Europe. We took ocean cruises to exotic places. We explored Hawaii together. We established a lifetime bond that is unbreakable today. We both value that bond.
Honesty forces me to admit-to-myself that I would not have risen to the occasion had I not been faced with the separation. Being a good father is a conscious decision.
Miss Kitty says:
November 17th, 2011
6:55 pm
‘The family that plays together, stays together.’
EngK and OffSpringK(adult) island hopped across Pacific last year. Berlin and parts of Germany this year. I wished them well with having loads of fun. Got emails everyday with pics.
I stayed here doing what I enjoy, continuing with my art classes. The three of us have travelled a lot together, too.
Good book by Davidson/Rees-Mogg. Read in the early 90′s. Really opened our eyes!
Allen Currie says:
November 21st, 2011
11:18 am
Borrow money in only one circumstance; when you can use it to make more money than you are paying in interest
Linda Brady Traynham says:
November 22nd, 2011
7:08 pm
We each put the other first, but quietly. I haven’t said it recently, but for the benefit of new readers I have known more sheer happiness in the three and a half years dear Charles and I have been together than in the entire rest of my life. He is a true gentlemen so he NEVER criticizes his 2 former wives (one deceased, the other a suicide–well, you know what I mean) but he’s happy, too.
JavaMan says:
November 23rd, 2011
8:02 am
Well Linda, I try very hard not to criticize my ex … but there’s just so much materiel there… you might say it’s a target rich environment.
James the Wanderer says:
November 23rd, 2011
12:37 pm
My daughter has friends online, whom she apparently shares everything with; I guess it’s a generational thing, since I avoid Twitter, Facebook, MySpace and all that garbage.
She has been somewhat surprised (and mildly enlightened) to discover what wonderful people my wife and I are; we aren’t divorced, don’t drink ourselves senseless and we don’t neglect, exploit or suppress them.
One of her online friends lost his mother to cancer this year; his father has fallen apart, he has anger issues and never got his G.E.D. She has finally decided he doesn’t need to be in her life, as he seems uninspired and unable (despite urging) to cope with the pain life has handed him. Another wants to be a graphic artist; her mother wants her to be a lawyer or doctor, so she will not send her to college, makes her work in the family law office with little or no pay, and basically tries to micromanage her life. Others suffer with family problems due to gayness, inability (of the adults!) to manage sufficient income and keep food on the table, and so forth. My daughter says we are some of the most normal, loving parents she knows about.
Thirty years, this year; we’ve had our arguments and hard times, but we’re still together. We’ve outlasted Charles and Diana, Duchess Fergie’s first try, most politicians and nearly every entertainer you can name. Can’t remember who said it, but when asked what the secret of their long marriage was, said “Amnesia!” Don’t keep books on your resentments, try not to go to bed angry; deal with your frustrations as they come, more are on the way.
I wish all who post here can know the love of a good woman (or man); you will help each other live longer and happier, despite cancer, job losses, financial challenges, children’s problems, hard times in general and approaching revolution, if it comes to that. Treasure each other today and every day, as if it is the last; for some day it will be, and telling a headstone “I love you” is nowhere near as rewarding as telling that person.
Blessings to all!
JtW
Kurt says:
November 23rd, 2011
2:04 pm
I don’t have to talk bad about my ex, others can figure it out for themselves. After all, she was dumb enough to marry me lol.
I’m already convinced James. So where do I find another one dumb enough? They ain’t exactly lining up at my door ROTFL
Desertrat says:
November 24th, 2011
9:19 am
My ex and I hung in until the kid was on his own. Philosophical drifting apart, so no fireworks. I made sure that her world was secure before we split. I still drop by occasionally for a beer or dinner with her and her #2. Present BossLady & I have done okay for these last 22 years.
Only woman-fear I’ve ever had is that all the exes, wife or galfriend, would someday gather up and spend days roaring with laughter at my expense.
James the Wanderer says:
November 24th, 2011
9:40 am
“Try to live your life so that if they convene a jury of your ex-wives and girlfriends you won’t get the death penalty for a parking offense”.
JavaMan says:
November 28th, 2011
9:30 am
DesertRat … I did pretty much the same. Altho, shortly after my daughter turned 18, I couldn’t stand the stress anymore. In the hopes of both pointing out that things needed to change, and prompting said change, I asked the ex, “once D is on her own do you plan on staying together?” … her answer was about all I needed (the last in a long line of very strange answers) – “I’ll think about it and get back to you”
Beautiful, on the other hand, (sad to say) is trying her best to keep my cynical mind from fearing the worst. I fear that the ex has made things a bit of a mess for her, since I still have PTSD from the past – well, ok, not really, but Beautiful should really get hazard pay having to deal with how my past pops up in certain situations. Thankfully, we talk and get me set straight.
Steve says:
November 28th, 2011
7:09 pm
hmmm, late to the forum. Unfotunately I was divorced at by no choice of my own, my children were very young, but it was the on undenied decision that my children would know,and that I would be their father, no one would deny me of that!
I have spent a lifetime being broke, yes finance is a big issue, and I will tell you 27 years of raiseing children and seeing to their lives and futures was a prime incentive, it is all I have stood for.
I spent more quaity time with my children than probably all full time fathers, only I did it on a part time basis, that was a choice of their mother, but I never gave up the position of the father.
Many of you will never know what I sacrificed and paid to be the father, It was and still is my number one goal.
My Children now still struggle, they are both well grounded in their lives, one is recently married one still single, one doing well in carrer one struggling.
But one thing never changes if you are always there for them in whatever ways they will always look to home when the need arises, and as a father you can always calm the storms.
I have seen and weatherd many a storm, with many more to come. And whey I die they will look back and say he was a good man, but alas they will forget.